The Legend of Tarzan

**Spoiler Alert**

Director: David Yates/Starring: Alexander Skarsgard, Margot Robbie, Samuel L. Jackson, Christoph Waltz, Djimon Hounsou, Jim Broadbent and Ben Chaplain

If you're like me, you might be wondering why the world needs another Tarzan flick but after seeing director David Yates' The Legend of Tarzan I wondered: why does the world need another Tarzan flick? I still have yet to see versions superior to the Johnny Weismuller films though I kind of liked Christopher Lambert's Tarzan in the early 80s'. I think a 50 year moratorium on Tarzan films is in order.
I thought a fine cast might make for a fun time but no, not even Samuel L. Jackson, Christoph Waltz or Jim Broadbent could make this CGI snooz-er-roo watchable. Yes, it is a bore though maybe those who find the sight of a ripped Alexander Skarsgard a sight to ogle will get a charge out of watching Yates' pointless dud. I wish I could say Margot Robbie's comely form compensated me but her erotic potential was sadly neutralized. It's understandable. After-all, this is family entertainment but I can't recall a Jane ever looking (and sounding) so plain and un-erotic.

In order for the story to be relevant in the 21st century, the film is heavily politicized, as it rails against the evils of 19th century colonialism in Africa and pushes a subtle message about nature.

We learn in the beginning of the film about how Africa was being carved up by the European powers in the 1880s'. Congo was claimed by Belgium for its mineral wealth and diamonds but King Leopold discovered exploiting the country's resources to be a drain on his own country's coffers.

John Clayton (Alexander Skarsgard); who we come to know as Tarzan in a series of formative-year flashbacks, has since returned to England and been re-assimilated as a gentleman. Clayton is asked by King Leopold to lead an expedition into the Congo. Though his identity as Tarzan is unbeknownst to the general public, his American friend George Washington Williams (Samuel L. Jackson) is well aware of his alter-ego. Williams urges his reluctant friend to go. Joining him is wife Jane (Margot Robbie) and Williams himself. Throughout the film, we learn how Clayton's parents perished in an African jungle while their infant son was adopted by an ape. The film backtracks intermittently to show us Clayton/Tarzan at different periods in his life as he grows strong and ape-like in his former jungle home.

Meanwhile, King Leopold's unsavory envoy to the Congo; Leon Rom (Christoph Waltz) leads his own expedition into the country's heart to plunder its natural wealth. He and his troops are set upon by a tribe and its Chief; Mbonga (Djimon Hounsou), who are very aware of what Rom and his men are after. Rather than slaughtering the Europeans, the chief makes a deal: he will shower Rom with diamonds if he will capture Tarzan, who was responsible for Mbonga's son's death. Rom accepts Mbonga's offer and sets out to capture his prey.

As Tarzan reacquaints himself with his former arboreal life and home, he re-establishes his relationship with the animals and his environment while Williams keeps to his side and tries to keep up. Jane is ultimately captured to lure Tarzan into Rom's clutches when the envoy learns his target is conducting his own expedition.

As we might expect from any Tarzan film, the action scenes consist of swinging about the jungle, fighting Rom's soldiers and calling on his animal friends to help him in his battles. In a scene where our heroes are hopelessly outnumbered by Leopold's troops, a stampeding crush of wildebeest serve as Tarzan's army. We also expect a confrontation between Tarzan and his Mangani (great apes) brother, who proves to be the stronger during their brutal melee. True to Tarzan lore, Jane is a helpless captive who continually warns Rom about her husband's wrath. I expected a bad-ass, Jane-for-the-21st-century but no dice. The final confrontation between Rom and Tarzan is a ho-hum affair. We know the muscular jungle dude just can't lose.

I was actually looking forward to this movie because I thought Skarsgard might make a fascinating Tarzan. Skarsgard can be very interesting if given substantial material but in a role that demands him to look like a surfer-god, grunt occasionally and speak in flat diction, he registers as only slightly more real than the CGI animals. Waltz is a seasoned villain and always fun to have around while Jackson makes for an effective sidekick to Skarsgard, who so badly needs a comic personality to offset his forgivable woodenness. Like Robie's almost brainless depiction of Jane, Jim Broadbent is saddled with a ridiculous, bewildering voice that serves no dramatic purpose.

I found myself quite bored with the movie. It was a task staying awake; even in the most action-packed moments and I found I didn't give a damn what happened to Tarzan or Jane. Had they had their butts devoured by crocodiles or hippopotami, that would have been fine with me.

As with most mega-budget movies, the film comes off more as a product than an inspired action/thriller/romance. How a director can have almost unlimited access to visual effects and still induce drowsiness in a theater audience is mystifying. I guarantee you the early Weismuller iterations didn't have $180 million dollar budgets. They didn't need to.

I haven't seen any commercial tie-ins for The Legend of Tarzan, which is too bad. The movie itself would make an excellent commercial for a Tarzan-theme park in Orlando, if one should ever be conceived. But as a movie, it just seems endless.